Massage Therapists Horror Stories
There are horror stories in every profession but have you ever wondered what a massage therapist has had to go through or deal with. After searching the web I’ve found many horror stories that may make you cringe. Also, some of these are very detailed, nasty and may have some bad language. If that’s a problem stop reading…
But if it’s not lets get started!
My worst horror story was a guy that came in for massage, I can totally deal with a little bit of BO but this guy, holy shit the entire clinic reeked of BO! When he took off his shirt, very obvious that this guy did not shower or change his clothes often, his singlet was covered in yellow stains, worst massage I’ve ever done, I was almost gagging on the smell. He booked again to my horror and I said next time you come in I want you to have a nice hot shower before you come in so that your muscles are nice and relaxed. Did he? No, he did not. I asked him if he had showered and he said, “Oh, yeh, the other day.” Cringe.
Oh, yeh and one of his skin things broke off and crumbled in my hand. Hands down worst day of my massage life.
2. Got a Little Frisky
I’m a male massage therapist. When I first started at my job, I had a male client grind into the table while he was prone. When I had turned him supine, he asked if I could massage his stomach. I started my stomach routine, but was aware of a different consistency on my hands. Something that wasn’t my oil.I was desperately trying to figure out what it was (had I accidentally mixed oils?), when the treatment had ended.
He tipped me $100 with a big grin and left. I knew what that strange consistency was now. After my shift I went to the bar my buddy worked at and spend the $100 on a giant burger, 3 packs of cigarettes, alcohol and tipped them the rest. I didn’t want anything to do with that fuckin’ money. It taught me to be more aware and direct with the client when that shit starts happening.
3. What is that?
Male therapist in a very seasonal Florida town, small, but A LOT of money comes here….I’m working on one gentleman who is in his 80s and as I am working on his legs I feel a weird texture between my fingers and on my palms, and not the hairy leg texture either. It’s dim enough in the room that I cannot really see so I just continue and the session ends 15 minutes later. Leaving the room I check my hands and see they are covered in what turned out to be dead skin, tons of it and it’s in my forearm hair too, having soaked up the oil it was now a nasty skin paste. I scrub the shit out of my arms and hands and dress down my table and change the linens. Well I guess only a little bit of the skin was on my hands and arms because the amount of grated cheese dead skin that was on the fitted sheet was horrible, we threw the sheets out.
4. The Erotic Masseuse
I had a very eccentric (read: creepy as f*ck) client who came into our clinic one day wanting a Tui Na massage (Type of Chinese Massage).
We usually leave the room to let the clients strip down into underwear before we commence, but with this guy I had no chance to get away. Before I had time to give him a towel he dropped his pants to reveal a sparkling blue G-string that barely kept everything in place. The guy was about 5’8, huge beer gut, grey hair, gold earring, and hairy like Robin Williams.
As I started the massage, the guy started to tell me that he worked as an erotic masseuse specialising in body slide massage. This is where the masseuse gets oiled up and rubs his body and genitals all over before f*cking the client at the end.
The whole time I was massaging him he kept telling me that i was “really good with my hands”. He also repeatedly told me how good he was at his job and plugging his business with a hinting tone. A very awkward session.
5. Four Older Ladies
Former massage therapist here. I used to work in the YMCA in my hometown. There was a group of four older ladies, around their early 50’s, that all played tennis together and afterwards took turns getting massaged. At first it was great, they were mostly doctors wives, fairly easing going and generous tippers to boot, but then things took a turn for the strange. One woman offered me a diamond tennis bracelet if I agreed to switch the order they were massaged in and did her first. I declined the gift, but promised to use a rotating schedule in the future. She was fine at first, but slowly became more aggressive. She would beg and bribe me to extend her half hour for 10 or 15 minutes in spite of her waiting friends. She constantly offered me expensive presents, shopping, home cooked meals, all kinds of things I was uncomfortable accepting. The more I declined her offers, the weirder and edgier she seemed to get around me. Finally, I guess she got tied of beating around the bush (so to speak) and made an outright advance by grabbing my hand and forcing onto her breast. I told her I was very flattered, but I wasn’t interested in other women this way. She screamed (perfectly in range for all of her friends and all of my coworkers to hear) about how I had been leading her on for months and how I didn’t deserve any of her time and money. She berated my appearance and education before storming out the door, naked and furious. I quit that day, started waiting tables, and never quite worked up the nerve to go back.
5. When Diarrhea Strikes
My cousin Bryan is a massage therapist. Degree in sports medicine, years of experience with rehabilitation and physical therapy, and he runs a massage business because it’s the most profitable where he’s located.
One time he’s working on this big NFL guy, 6’5″ and 300 lbs. Guy had some back problems. The guy’s so big, Bryan has to stand on a stool to get high enough to get leverage to get his hands and elbows on this guy’s lower back. He’s massaging away, the guy says “More pressure” and asks for a more firm massage. He’s done this before.
Anyway, Bryan is moving his elbow down this guy’s lower back when all the sudden the guy groans and explodes. Shit just comes flying out of his ass into the sheet. Shit drops out the sides of the sheets, it hits the floor, the guy is farting and shitting seemingly uncontrollable, and he’s actually crying.
One thing leads to another, and the football player sheepishly pays (with a huge tip) and apologizes, then leaves. Bryan and another employee are left cleaning up the horrible mess. Quotes from Bryan:
“He must have had some kind of intestinal blockage I broke loose, because the shit smelled awful. It was like it’d been in there forever. It was black, like pitch black, and it was revolting.”
About a month later, the guy shows up again, and talks to Bryan one on one. Turns out the guy had like the best game of his life, and was more mobile and felt fantastic. He claims that Bryan must have broken something loose or something, because he’s got more mobility than he’s had in years. I guess he’s been coming back weekly for the past few years, and has not shit anywhere. But he still tips like double the cost of the massage.
6. Awkward Phone Calls
I have to say there are some creepy phone calls but that is as bad as it gets. One chap asked exactly what kind of massage I did (common precursor to “do you do extras”) and I told him clearly about Swedish Massage. He said “Ah that’s something my patrner and I would be interested in” and asked “…and for the ladies do you do sensual massage?”. I find this euphamism so frustrating. It literally doesn’t imply what they want to imply but it has become recognised as a word for sexy time. I said “no”. “He then said “could you?” I said “no!”. Then follows a common awkward situation where we try and both pretend that he hasn’t just asked me for some kind of naughty service in return for money and finish the conversation as you might otherwise.
Well that is all I have for you today. These are just some of the many things I have read on the horror stories of massage therapists.
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Information pulled September 21, 2018
Photo by Moose Photos from Pexels